Everytime i go to work, the only time i get for myself to think things out is when im sitting by the window of the bus looking outside as the speeding bus passes away the NLEX road. I know it sucks...what?

with all the dust and smoke that i inhale while beaming at the window and trying to compose my thoughts. Crap...im just so damnly confused these days....i saw this video of P and James riding a motorcycle and they sure do look like a happy father and son tandem...damn...my happiness or his happiness? how do you know if you are still inlove and not just being practical? or silly? or maternal? fuck...what to do?what to do? sometimes i just wanna be happy...wanna be myself...sumtyms i feel like im not living my life...i feel like this is not my damn life im living...if i am the one to live my life it wouldnt be like this....rosalyn's life would be happier..livelier...more complete like centrum? hehe pretty much...happiness? why are you so damn elusive to me? why do you always fly away? is it me? is it destiny? what to do? what to think?im sooo fucked up...life's is crap for the rest of my days...

imagine...come to think of it...a happy scene...a complete scene for me with you is by the beach in a starry night...happiness with just me would mean a quarter pounder and me at the top of the cliff wathcing stars...is it so hard? is it complicated?