Am I being too trusting? Am I losing my mind? Am I losing my sense of right and wrong? Most of the time, im being passive about everything else. I know I shouldn’t be engaging myself in this situation. Not even allowing myself indulge in the idea of having an affair. Ugh! It seems mostly improper when I try to put it into words. But when im experiencing it, why does it seems such a benign thing. Is there any explanation on it? How can I be involved with all the wrong guys in the world? Am I such a magnet for abnormalities? Im getting older by the day but I feel like ive lost track of time. His touch…his warmth…they use to send shivers to my core. I don’t understand. I try to understand. I try to compare. Is this the same feeling I had for him before? Now im in dilemma. I know I need to see him one more time so I can be sure. Will he have the same effect to me now that I have someone else? Am I doing him justice? Or im being utterly unfair? By the way things look, this isn’t still pretty much what I wanted. Too far from what I believed I deserve. So does that mean, one way or the other, im still gonna suffer? (Sighs) Will I ever be happy?