"Paramdam ka naman po.."
"I miss you Mac ko..."

these are the words...messeges rather that made my day...i think the word RUINED would be more appropriate. why do i keep on stumbling on these things..is it a sign? are YOU once again waving a huge red flag infront of me? am i to give meaning to all of these or ignore it and keep blind faith to the second man ive entrusted my heart to. im beginning to get scared. but i dont want tobe carried away by my ever unreliable emotion especially now that my hormones are doing a nice job whacking my logic and blurring my perception on things. DAMN!!! why does my mind keep on replaying those words on my head.."my Mac".."my Mac"..."my Mac"..

is she really calling him hers?
forget it, its probably nothing..he never responded in the first place..
but did you notice the date? its just this month... (getting teary eyed)
so?...he never responded..
but she is callin him hers and misses him..they probably have sumthin going on between them..
hey..relax..he never responded..
thats the thing..he never cared enough to sever watever it is theyve got going..
how can he?..he never responded..
the chick probably still thinks whatever it is they have...they still have it
calm down ok..he neve responded..
are you f#*@ing gonna keep on telling me the same thing?!

hey brain! ur definitely not helping..thank you!

wow...so much for my first attempt in getting back my edge in writing...guess what year it is now? its 2013! its been more than 2 years since my last post..can u believe how time flies? and in that span of time, a ton of things happened in my life that i havent got the chance to blog about. im excited and thrilled to be able to log in again and revisit my old blog. i had fun skimming through the contents of my previous posts. i shed a tear or two..smiled..broke in laughter...felt sad..and all these different emotions that makes me feel alive and human a lot of things had changed and i think im rather rusty with my vocabulary..only a few remained the same like for one, im still working in a call center doing graveyard shifts but for a different company now..unlike before that i use to slack away my days infront of my monitor doing all sorts of stuff not even remotely related to the job i signed up and being paid for..its been a very long tragic, and colorful journey for me..a journey i sure dont want to ever forget, so brace your self because youll be hearing an awful lot from me these coming days(especially now that im sick..upper respiratory track infection is what the doctor says) no need to panic its just minor really..so minor that our company doctor refuses, even after 2 different doctors already recommended to let me rest for 7 days, to let me file for a med leave. but thats an entirely different story

hmmm..where do i start?....let me tell you first, i know youll be surprised and you wouldnt have seen this coming but here goes, me and P are over..(nods) uh huh..really, finally at long last over for good! ^_^
see that? that was a smile...im smiling..i can smile about it too! hahaha! i know its pretty damnhard to believe..after all youve been my witness to the complete insanity that succumbs me whenever he is the topic. you know everything..the entire story..my madness..my addiction..my masochism. but that chapter of my delusion is over and it feels good to have moved on and know what it feels like to be happy..genuinely happy. you  might wonder what had happened. you dont need to ponder for long coz ill tell you all about it in my suceeding posts.