do you have a time machine? i wish i could go back in time...back when i was still naive and innocent...when i still look at the world with the eyes of a child. To me, the world was still a magical place. lolz. All you need to do is believe and know where to look. Now, its an entirely different story. Though i know i still have it, i dont believe ive lost it...not entirely at least...

when im with you, i still get a hold of those naivete and innocense and simple pleasure that it brings. And as i was enjoying the cool breeze of the air blowing through the bus window on my way to work i had this list on my mind:



security = means lying in your arms in our bed at night and watching you sleep peacefully

peace = having a cup of coffee with you under the moonlit skies in the wee hours of the morning, my head on your shoulders, legs intertwined and talking about trivial things

romance = sitting by the seashore watching the falling stars with you by my side

just remembered one of my weirdest dreams...well actually i remembered 2 of them. the first one was kinda weird in the sense that i felt like i wasnt supposed to be dreaming like that anymore. ok..i dreamt about my bestfriend. In my dream he just showed up at our house with a couple of our old childhood friends. It was like some sort of a visit. In reality that is far fetched. he is married and now has two kids...plus did i mention that until now his wife is still super jealous of me. It was all because of the undeniable truth that i was her husband's "one great love"...jeez...
so back with my dream...well, he came visited me and of course we had that chit chat and catching up on each other and then i dont remember the exact details anymore(duh! its a dream and its days ago..) but all i can remember is that the background shifted to something like a gathering. pretty much like in our chapel yard or something. bsta there was a gathering and it was like he was making all kinds of excuses to be with me.(i was always outside for some odd reasons) he would always make up something to go out and be with me. he was obviously showing he was still into me and for some weirdness.., i was kinda getting along with him fine...schucks...i cant understand, it was like we have this sumthing going on between us..totally weird. Makes me think what it means to me. Am i just really missing him? or is it my subconscious telling me i have feelings for him which is totally unlike me...if i feel for him, God knows i have all the power to have him, even right before his wedding he still prefers me over his wife to be. but i gave him up because of the simple truth that i dont feel for him. funny coz in my dream we even kissed...just on the cheeks ok?hehe. but i still find it weird.
well the next one is also weird in the actual sense...
i dreamt that we were having an outing. Me and some groupmates i dont even know who...lolz
and it was in some private pool and then there was this monster who is taking my groupmates one by one. The monster just strikes at night and only when you are near or actually in the water. It has long slimy leach-like black arms that it uses to entangle the victim and drag it into the water. it picks victims one at a time. It was horrible. but the weird part is that.., though we have witnessed the thing consume us one by one, the group appears to be oblivious of the danger and still goes about displaying their selves near water. it seemed like i was the only one uber worried and horror stricken to go near any pool or body of water. The monster was afraid of sunlight. it actually melts when exposed to sun's rays. But on the later part of the dream it became very powerful that it started conquering the earth or at least the areas outside the pool's vicinity and we were like left with dwindling options for survival or atleast for a hiding place. I never knew what happens to the people that it takes away. i dont know if it eats them or what. there was no blood and no morbid scenes. it just takes people away one by one.
jeez..talk about dreams...i would very much like to discuss this with a psychologist
i know my dreams has its meaning and understanding the meaning behind them would help me understand my self better.

hey..its been a while. I havent posted for a long time. ok its not a while.. i know its unexcusable...i know. im slacking off. but i just couldnt find the urge you know..im having...now what do they call it again? a writer's block? hehe...close enough. its just that i am not inspired while facing the monitor. i usually get my inspiration elsewhere. and that elsewhere is far from the conducive place for writing. i may get inspired on a tricycle, sometimes on a bus, other times while eating my lunch on a smoke-filled elevated floor of the canteen. its the same passion, the same urge, the same level and everything its just not the appropriate place to write and so what happens is that i still let my creativeness flow out, but sadly it just goes to the wind. carried or blown away, never coming back because i dont have any memento of it...any evidence of each wonderful idea or phrase or train of thought that visited me that day. its saddening to think that i loose a part of me each day. a part that i should have documented and recorded, or at least blogged about. i just wish i can have it all back again while im right here typing. so i can capture everyt thought and seal it. and then ill be comforted coz i know i have it and its not gone to some place it wont get appreciated...or visited again.