wHy...

Why, do you always do this to me

Why, couldn't you just see it through me

How come, you act like this

Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall

can feel I can feel you near me

Even though you're far away

I can feel I can feel you baby

Why

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you I need you

Tell me

Are you and me still together

Tell me

Do you think we could last forever

Tell me

Why

Hey Listen to what we're not saying

Let's play

A different game then what we're playin'

Try

To look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe, I'm gonna let us fall apart

I can feel I can feel you near me

Even when you're far away

I can feel I can feel you baby

Why

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you I need you

Tell me

Are you and me still together

Tell me

You think we could last forever

Tell me

Why

so go and think about

whatever you need to think about

Go on dream about

Whatever you need to dream about

Then come back to me

When you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me

Even though you're far away

I can feel I can feel you baby

Why

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you I need you

Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you I need you I need you

Tell me

Are you and me still together

Tell me

You think we could last forever

Tell me

Why

our teambuilding was a blast. and i have to admit it is one of the most memorable events of my life both on a positive and on a negative note. ive lost the team fund..P10,000 in cold cash. How and where i lost it, im still trying to figure out. Ive been so damn busy and my mind was so occupied by everything else that i can't pointout which part of the blurry moments did i loose that hefty sum of money from my side pocket. The first few hours of that day since i arrived at the assembly place, i was not myself. i was soo drained and shock that all i could do was burst into tears whenever i tried to speak. the following events were a little consoling though and before we reached the days end i decided not to waste the entire time crying myself out in the corner. i had fun. tons of it. and i really never thought i will be able to look at everyone else by the eyes after what happened. but it seemed like they dont care bout it at all. it was a relief. i thought they understood me, i almost believed they read between my sobs and comisserate between my tears. i can never blame them though. in this world, money is still money. and now its payback time. they are asking me for something i cannot give at the moment. i speak out my thoughts and hoped they would understand once more but i proved to be wrong. i reach out my hand but nobody bothers to take them anymore. I utter a word but nobody seems to listen. i bare out my soul but nobody seems to care. its like i dont exist anymore. and to my surprise, i find myself alone...once more..in a crowded,laughter-filled room, the room where i used to belong or so i thought. now i feel like i hear them talk behind my back, now when they look at me i seem to read ugly thoughts in their mind perceving me as a worthless, dishonest, creature. their eyes are cold, and so are their actions. i feel so estranged and disaffected. why do sad events always follow happy times?why...?

tHrEe WoRds...

The three words that mean the most aren't "I love you", with its history of being an accomplice to lies, with its bad reputation as a myth. What is "I loveyou" but the easy way out, the secret weapon revealed at the ends of long-drawn battles between desperation and despair? "I love you" is what you say when you run out of valid arguments but decide to keep fighting anyway. "I love you" is what you use when you want to appear to be someone you're not. These are powerful words, powerful in the way that politicians and generals are nowadays,worth their weight in gold. "I love you" has been the pillar of empires and friendships, and their causes for downfall. "I love you" is where you build the tower of your trust, only to see it crumble down when these words are said to someone else. "I love you" is what you use when you want to be unfair, when youwant to deliberately hurt. "I love you" throws the whole equation in chaos,unbalances the seesaw. It implies the loss of reason and pride, but is used to manipulate, to blackmail, leaving behind disillusionment and disappointment.The three words that mean the most aren't "I want you", with its raw, blatant inconsideration, its implications of a primal need that is best released orgasmically. "I want you" is what spoiled brats say, it's what selfish bitches say, it's what horny boys say. "I want you" is harsh, said through clenched teeth, said with wild eyes. "I want you" is a physical sentence, the amalgamation of skin against a number of factors: skin on skin, fingernail on skin, teeth on skin. It is violent and rapid, a whirlwind of emotion, an explosion of saliva and other bodily fluids. These are words that have no origin, they emerge from the basest of instincts, they are triggered by smell,by touch, by the look of rawness in another person's eyes. These are words that signal the coming of a storm, and like most storms, they wreak havoc and then depart, leaving behind ruin and wounds.The three words that mean the most aren't "I need you", with its childish,clingy implications, its sad, pathetic grievances. "I need you" leaves you open, blinding you to yourself, eradicating all traces of self-respect. "I need you" is the dying breath of a failed relationship. It is the battlecry of an overpowered suitor. These words signal the clinging to memories that are either long gone, or never were. These words bypass true necessity to make fools out of the sayers. These are not words to be used by all; it takes the strongest persons to relay this message correctly. Otherwise all is naught, you only reveal yourself as an empty shell craving for something, anything, to fill it.But then, the strongest persons never have the need to say these words. It'sthe irony of life. These words are like taking a knife to your throat and piercing your skin gently, leaving behind a trail of blood too thin for anyone to see, but painful enough for you to feel.The three words that mean the most, I think, the ones that really hit the mark,and often in the most unexpected of ways, are "I miss you". This is the sentence that sends the message right home. Because what other message is there? Nothing else, except exactly just that, "I miss you", and everything else is pulled along into it, like a chain reaction. Unlike "I love you" and the lies that go along with it, "I miss you" is honest and sincere, you only say it when you mean it, and you don't have to mean it in a big way to really mean it. Unlike "I want you" and its expectations, "I miss you" offers all it has, and waits for nothing in return. Unlike "I need you" and its desperate whines, "I miss you" stands on its own, a whole entity in just three words,devoid of arms that cling to you for life."I miss you" means everything and nothing, it is unflinching and honest. It is upbeat and simple, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope. You miss people you used to love, people you used to want, people you used to need. But most ofthe time the missing is all that's left, and that's OK, there's nothing else you'd change. The missing implies a past that remains in its rightful place. Or it implies the reality and possibilities of the present. It is hope and love and lust and peace all at the same time. Some people say that when they met that person, it was akin to "coming home". And missing is this manifestation of home-sickness, the way people return to their homelands to die, the way all the comfort the world has to offer is nothing compared to the feeling of being in someone's arms.And that's why I miss you, because you're not here, and because every time I think about you, that's all that I think. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you,and the world turns for both of us, and I can't wait until I have the chance to come home to your arms again...

bOrEd....

i made my way back to that site again and took random quizzes... ireally dont understand what i want out of this but something inside me loves being able to find a way(even a silly one) to answer all the questions inside of me. so one of the "random" quizzes i took tells you your love profile and here's what i got:

Pisces - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring. Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your partner has ever met. You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with. Your negative traits: You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood. It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should. You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest. Your ideal partner: Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways Your dating style: Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners. Your seduction style: Fearless - you try what your partner suggests, no matter how unusual. Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary. Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head. Tips for the future: Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen. Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love. Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one.. Best color to attract mate: Seafoam green Best day for a date: Friday

What's Your Love Profile?

surprising because most of these things are true. its true that i am very tuned into my partner's feelings to the point that i even deny what i think they feel especially when its on the negative side. its also true that i am sweet and romantic and i want my guy to always show me how much he loves me even in the most littlest way. im not really that hard to please you see. i even mentioned once that my guy doesn't really need to buy me expensive flowers to make me happy, even the flower hand-picked from along side the road or secretly plucked from someone else's garden (hehe) would be more than enough to make me happy. im such a kid at heart and one can never guess how simple things make me feel utmostly happy especially coming from the people i care about. but its also true that i find it extremely hard or even next to impossible to tell my guy "no". it seems like it disappears from my vocabulary once im facing the love of my life. i suddenly become a superhero with boundless strengths and i feel like i could easily make way for the impossible things to happen which is definitely not a good one because i always put myself into a mess that makes me suffer in the end. tsk tsk. but the bottom part bothers me much. It says that i should not be afraid of rejection which is true because i know it is blocking my happiness but i cant help it.i just chicken out at the slightest hint of rejection. im afraid to be hurt. the fact that i could give sooo much makes it doubly harder to gamble my heart. another thing that bothers me as well are the last lines...advising me to "open myself to a new love because the person you think you want may not be the one.."...schucks!!! it hurts, just the mere thought that he might not be the one, already is too painful to bear...waaaahhh!!! just yesterday this bs is telling me that im very compatible with the "taurus" and it even regarded a taurus as my true love but now its saying the exact opposite...although im very much aware that i shouldnt bank on anything these silly quizzes tells me,.it stills bother me a bit. there's even this quiz where you are asked to enter your birthdate and then it will give you the meaning of your dob in relation to your lovelife. i wont publish the results coz i dont want people peeking on my dob hahaha! its a big secret, but the result though is what i care about the most. it said that i would have 1 true love over my lifetime and 1 heartbreak as well. does that mean i will find my true love then loose it? does that mean that P is my true love because what i feel for him is sooo strong that i couldnt mistake it for anything else but true love. does that mean i'll loose him? Or does the heartbreak pertains to the first time i shed tears for a guy which happens to be with my first bf?which means i will not loose P...think..think...yeah..yeah! thats what you get when you are bored...

oooppsss...i havent mentioned about the homecoming this december havent i? i already told B about this. B is my ofismate who also happens to be my classmate back in elementary and highschool. i just passed by this advertisement in tarpaulin about the homecoming to be held at our school specifically for us, the first batch of highschool grad on that school, and the succeeding 4 batches after us. I asked B if he is going and he just had this questioning look on his face like he was lost in translation. He said he would still think about it. Then i turned to myself and asked the same question. will i be coming? i dont know the answer as well. I d love to come for the sake of meeting up with our former classmates and friends and im sure it would be a nice time to do some catching up on each other's life but there are also some dreaded questions i dont wanna hear and topics i never wanna participate in. im pretty sure there will be the usual kamustahan and inquisition of the things that are making us busy nowadays and also the usual asking of are you married? do u have a family? ilan na ang anak mo? which i sooo detest to answer. and i dont want to hide for hours on the washroom just to pass answering these question because im readily aware that i might escape it once, twice or even thrice but i can NEVER run from it for the entire evening. so much with these thoughts...anyways i still have a month from now to try to contemplate the idea of me going in that homecoming event and i do admit that i am a bit excited and ecstatic over that idea as well.

mY LoVe iS baSed On...

i went to the same site again and clicked away on this quiz which is about "what is your love based on?" i never really set any expections on the results on this one, i just wanted to see if it really works. if the outcome would be any near the reality. well this was what i got:

Your Love is Based on Passion

When you're in love, you're brimming with emotions and desire. For you, love can be a crazy frenzy - but somehow it all makes sense. Love is the most important thing to you. You are capable of doing anything for love. (This makes you very lovable... but also a little scary!) Why your love can last: You've got the true attraction, bond, and euphoria to make it happen. Why your love can fail: Love isn't something you really think through. Your roller coaster relationships sometimes end on a terrifying note.

What Is Your Love Based On?

which is, to my surprise,relatively true in my case...(well wih P that is..) i always felt this strong passion for him like i could do everything. well actually ive tried and tested that its true. i have given up sooo much for him and continues to do things for him even though sometimes i feel like its stupid to do those things.waaaahhh, all powerful love, look at what you can make a mortal do in your name........

cOuLd iT Be?

i have nothing to do the whole shift but to slack off the time jumping from blog to blog reading other people's post when i stumbled upon this site and to kill time i decided to take this quiz about what sign my true love is. out of boredom i just clicked away the answers, wel actually i did kinda made sure what i was clicking was really what i wanted and to my surprise here's the result ....

Your True Love Is a Taurus

Why you'll love a Taurus: Romantic and sentimental, a Taurus can provide you with the security you need. And you both share a fondness for the finest things, from great food to luxury vacations. Why a Taurus will love you: You have the honesty and direct approach that down to earth Taurus desires. And enough elegance to show a Taurus a few new decadent delights!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

and guess what??? P is a taurus!!! could this be the sign ive been waiting for? the sign that would put end to all my doubts? and confirm once and for all that we are really meant for each other? well, sign or not, this cute and cheesy quiz had definitely made my day..yey!!! and later ill meet up with P and spend the afternoon together. Im all cheeky and i feel warm and fuzzy inside hehe...is this looove?

rEaSoNs to LoVe...

ive stumbled on this post of this girl bragging why she loves her husband so much. she went to enumerate the things in a list of 1-20. It made me wonder about my own reasons of why i love P so much. I wanted to come up with a list as well after feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. let me try to enumerate them as well:

1. he never gives me flowers nor chocolates and is seldom sweet but he can make me cry once he starts to tell me and show me how much he loves me (specially when he is staring at me with his twinkling eyes) yes his eyes do twinkle at times and they twinkle just for me..hehe

2. he never says i love you when he is going to leave but he does kiss me on the lips and says "ingat"

3. he danced with me just once our entire life together

4. he never sings but sang once for me when he gave me our "promise ring"

5. he never shows me how much he loves me when im awake, which makes it more special lolz

6. he always wipes off his plate clean when i do the cooking just to show its appreciated

7. he would rather starve than have me not satisfied with my food, which means he will give me his own share if i still am not full

8. he would choose the biggest part or the tastiest slice(when on family dinner/buffet) then give it to me (by doing this,chances are, he will get the smallest leftover)

9. he learned to cook because he wants to help me gain weight

10. he always want to share with me the most special things in his life (like when he purchased his first motor bike, he never had anyone ride it until i was able to stroll with him first at the back)

11. he never goes away without asking someone he trust to babysit after me..hehe(as in take care of my dinner, lunch, or whatever thing i might be needing)

i just love him eventhough i can think of just a handful of good reasons why i do. but i guess love is more special when you still love a person though you cant find a logical reason to love him/her.

come to think of it, i bet i would come up of a longer list if im gonna enumerate the things i love him inspite of..hehe

i think i will try that one on my next post though....